Gratitude

“Today, I choose to live with gratitude for the love that fills my heart, the peace that rests within my spirit, and the voice of hope that says all things are possible.”

Anonymous

Gratitude is a powerful emotion that allows us to recognize and appreciate the positive aspects of our lives. As a young adult with two beautiful little girls and a loving husband, I found myself filled with happiness. At that time, I truly believed that my life was nothing short of perfect.

We had built a home and a life in our little hometown of McIvers, NL. We were surrounded by family and friends, our children were happy, our marriage was happy, and we wanted for nothing. Like many young couples, we had our share of hard times financially, but we had overcome that and we were in a good financial position. Life was great. I equated that happiness as gratitude. For me, being contented and happy with what I had was gratitude.

It wasn’t until my world fell apart that I realized what gratitude really meant. Yes, I did appreciate what I had in my life prior to Janelle moving into Heaven, but not on a soul level. I definitely did not want to lose what I had, but I also did not “feel” and reflect on it deep in my soul.

Like a typical working mother, many times I was too busy with housework or laundry to truly engage in playing babies with Gabrielle, (she loved her baby Isabelle) or to sit with Janelle and watch her favorite Pocahontas movie with my full undivided attention. I was too caught up in making sure my home was in tip top shape just as society expected, because that was how I was taught to show gratitude. By taking care of my “things”.

Total horseshit.

Janelle moved into Heaven and my whole perspective changed. I started missing mud in the springtime flicked up over the walls off her boots, I started missing the weekly make-up carpet stain that she always managed to get on her bedroom carpet, and the smell of apple juice constantly through the house!

Suddenly, my material possessions meant nothing, and I would have given everything to just have her flick that mud, stain the carpet, and have glasses of apple juice in every corner! I was no longer happy with what I had!

Slowly, with passage of time and with, what seemed like, eons of reading about the soul, I stumbled upon the “act” of gratitude. I realized that to be entirely grateful for something I had to feel it deep within myself and to express it.

I began with making a list of three things every day or night that I was grateful for. I refused to go to sleep until I found three and performed the act of writing the three things down and saying it aloud. I remember one time, while struggling, my three things were: I am grateful today that I did not get forced to shower, I am grateful that Rich is sleeping on the couch and I am grateful that I am a day closer to being with Janelle.

Morbid much? Probably.

But that gratitude, although morbid, really was what I felt deep down in my soul and it was all that mattered to me that day! It is also the gratitude that set the stage for my current gratitude.

These days, I tend to find gratitude much easier. Just like today. Today I am grateful for stumbling upon Gabrielle’s baby Isabelle. The memories that came flooding back of her infectious laughter and smile when playing babies warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face. I am grateful for being up earlier than the sun and watching Janelle’s moonset. The child loved the moon and was so fascinated with it. That memory brought peace to my soul before my day even started. Finally, my third source of gratitude today is the knowledge that I am finding my soul and learning to live according to its desire.

Gratitude for love, peace and hope are now mine.

What are you grateful for today?

Love & Light, Lori